When the weather lady said it would be mostly sunny, she neglected to mention exactly how dark it would get.

If life was like a box of chocolates, I would have finished it by now.

In reality: reality, to me, is better than all my dreams.

Time cannot be found. It is only lost.

Where possible, I prefer truth over fiction.

I’d like to think I would have done a few things differently. For instance, I would have said, “let there be lightning,” before I would have said, “let there be light.”

Don’t take yourself too seriously, but do take yourself seriously, too.

I don’t like people liking people I don’t like.

I’m not saying that you’re not a better person than I am. I am just trying to ascertain by how much.

I’m sorry for being so non-committal, but I’d rather be right than certain.

Place us in the universe and we are microorganisms.

Rome was also never not built.

I don’t know when I am not.

The thing about falling isn’t just the pain of falling, but also the embarrassment of having fallen.

I feel like a million unicorns.

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