not zen

in this moment,
I am not zen.
I can see the world,
and the world can see me.

I am not zen,
I am dead inside.
not a little,
but a lot.

I am dead to this box,
and this box dead to me.
there is no flow,
the movement is not symphony
as I pry my fingers against these keys.

even though the box complies,
I am not satisfied.
I am not happy.
I am at a loss, so no,
in this moment,
I am not zen.