vain

i want people to laugh. uncontrollably.
but i want to feel as if i am controlling it.

i don’t want to be told how amazing i am.
which i am.

i want people to shower me with praises
through smiles and smirks,
through giggles and guffaws,
through belly laughs their bellies can’t stand.

i want people to laugh so honestly
that they feel embarrassed about their laughter.

oh, sweet validation.
that’s the spot.
don’t stop.

i don’t think this is too much to ask for.

when i die,
i want a few to say, ‘he was an asshole,’
and a few to say ‘he was a friend.’
yes, extra points for saying both.