Author: thisduck

here

I drove downtown to work. I don’t like driving to work. I’d rather take the TTC. Sure, it’s tiring, you don’t always get to sit. You have to transfer from one mode of transportation to another (bus, RT, street car, subway, etc). But it gives me time to read. I look for patterns. The seats that are empty that no one will sit on. The types of shoes people are wearing. Yeah, I’ll listen in on conversations here and there. Oh, and I’ll sleep when I’m really tired. Sometimes it’s a battle having to choose between sleeping and reading (and all the other things one can do while awake), though sometimes it’s not a decision I make. My body will do it for me.

I find myself walking west on Bathurst after lunch with a friend I hadn’t spoken to in years. “Wow, that makes for a great story!” he said, after I’d caught him up on things, “Debatable whether it’s good or bad, but a great story.” But back on Bathurst I continue to look for patterns in the streets, or just interesting out of the blue things. I come across this wall and think about taking a picture, but I don’t have a camera with me. For shame, I think. I make a mental note to come back to this spot. Even as I’m making the note I understand and recognize that the odds of me coming back to that spot to take a picture are very low. If I was a betting man I’d wager on me not going back to that spot again. To give myself a fighting chance and leave a glimmer of hope, I wouldn’t double down. But I know this, despite the mental note the odds are low.

That night walking out of class I wonder about how easy writing is in comparison to other things. Regardless of whether it’s good or bad. Even bad writing is easier than bad photography. The word is so powerful. It seems like out of nothing you can create images, transcribe them into words and transfer that image to another mind. You’ve used nothing more than the tool set of words you already knew. The structures of sentences and grammar that you naturally realized while growing up. If I was to take a photograph of something, I’d have to be in the physical location with all the gear in hand. I’d have to reach out for colours and brushes if I were to paint. It gets more involving if I was to make a cartoon or a movie. Words have this element of laze to them. They feel easier in comparison. I don’t need anything more than I already have. Almost out of nothing. Just my/our experiences and imagination. How awesome is that?

So I figured, “Shit man, writing is easy…”

And here I am.

life

a thousand smiles, a thousand frowns
a thousand miles, a thousand towns

a thousand words, a thousand lines
a thousand hurts, a thousand times

a thousand tries, a thousand falls
a thousand cries, a thousand calls

a thousand beats, a thousand sounds
a thousand streets, a thousand rounds

a thousand pains, a thousand highs
a thousand stains, a thousand lies

a thousand burns, a thousand joys
a thousand turns, a thousand toys

…

a thousand ways, a thousand whiles
a thousand days, a thousand smiles

zindagi aarahaa hoon mein
(life, here i come)

hold on

what the hell
is free verse?

this is why
poetry is such
a sham.

how in hell
can charles freaking
bu-
kows-
ki
take a couple
of (run-on)
sentences,

put
one, two
or three words
per line and
call it
poetry?

even kasparov has to
go the full distance
of the board
every time
before he can turn
a pawn into
a queen.

beauty, i suppose,
is in the eye
of the beholder.

it’s just that
some of us
have to go through
many more eyes
before someone

holds on.

in conversation

I’ve had a couple of instant messaging conversations (chats, the kids call them these days) in the past week that I would like to share. I am using only their first names to “protect” their (un)important identities.

The preamble to this one is that I was chatting with a friend but messages weren’t getting through. So I tried sending a message to someone else:

-–

me: test
Artin: test successfully failed
me: your face is fail.
Artin: Now that’s the Adnan we all know and love
me: =)
this, i’m going to blog, or something.
-–

In my attempts to be more social, Todd and I were supposed to visit this techie meet-up thing.

-–

Todd: I’m still planning on going, but I may be late. Our release got bumped to tomorrow
me: oh
geez todd, i don’t like socializing with people.
Todd: ha! You’re a regular schmoozer. Just bring the cards 😉
me: i don’t like new people.
Todd: just don’t tell them that
me: fine, i won’t.
-–

Then again with Todd on the day of the meet-up:

-–

me: so we’re still good for 6:30?
Todd: 7:30 would be more likely
me: you should be ashamed of yourself.
the thing starts at 7.
Todd: fashionably late?
me: i don’t do fashion.
Todd: That much was obvious
me: i’m going to blog this conversation.
-–

to create and share

What do you want to do when you grow up?

I want to create and share. Create things where I enjoy the process of creating them, and then sharing would almost come as a natural follow through to that. Because if you enjoy the result as much as you enjoyed the process, or if you enjoy the result in any capacity, then why not share it too?

The process of creation doesn’t have to involve creating something from scratch. It could be that you take something old, or something that already exists and add to it, thus in the process creating something new. And it may not be so for everyone but I’ve figured out that it is these basic desires, if I can call them that, that bring me closer to any concept of happiness. To create and share.

Cooking comes to mind as a perfect example of this. For those that enjoy cooking and then share the results with others, how awesome that must be. Even if you follow recipes and create something someone else originated. I think the feeling you get is still much the same. Probably a better feeling if you did create and originate what you share. The extra excitement of “I came up with this” can be nice. Though originality is very overrated.

I suppose you could share stuff that you haven’t created. Which is awesome in its own way, but the joy in creating and sharing, I think, is something else. And if you’re not doing both then you’re missing out.

Whether you create music, write stuff, take pictures, grow a garden, design buildings, or teach, whatever it is. All of these fall under that create and share pattern. Unless, of course, you create but you don’t share. Which I think is a shame. I guess there are many reasons why one would be unwilling to share. Perhaps it’s not “good enough”, and maybe it really isn’t good enough, but so what? Maybe if you don’t share then you don’t have to be judged on what you’ve created. Then the flaws found in what you create might come off as a projection of your own flaws. Yeah, it might, but so what? Maybe it’ll even help you improve. I guess we all have our own reasons for not sharing. Though the only reasons (that I can think of at this moment) are that what you created is extremely personal, or perhaps it hurts others. But apart from that, I don’t think you’re protecting yourself by not sharing. Hah, but it’s not as if I am immune to all that I say here. In either case, we’re not all that unique, so if we’re thinking/creating something, chances are there’s other folk who think along the same lines.

And that in a nutshell becomes a guiding star for what I want to do not just in my future, but in the present as well. It’s not a concrete direction but it’s something to measure my actions against. That’s good enough for me.