Category: general

I am sure it is a character flaw. I am not sure if it is the character flaw. You know, the one that does you in.

I will start things. The trouble is that I will also start other things. Some folks, I suppose, handle this all fine. I, on the other hand, tear myself down the dotted line. It is not as if I cannot handle separately the things that accumulate on my plate. I could even handle the accumulation if I could properly divide my attention. Just if I were able to focus.

Given the amount of time I have and the things I start, I ought to be able to do them. As simple as divide and conquer. Yet for some reason, that I have things to do deters me from doing anything. Silly, I know.

And yet it is so. So very flawed.

I am supposed to be studying. And between the spaces, I am. During the spaces I’m spacing out. I find myself staring at the number ‘880’. I’m sure there is no significance to it. The 8’s can be rotated 90 degrees to form the infinity symbol. Infinity lasts forever, by definition. Perhaps that means something, but I doubt there is any significance to it. I’m staring at the number, marvelling at the fact that I can see it at all. That too with such clarity. Someone had to conceive the number for this example problem. Ink was used to print it onto this piece of paper. Rays of light are bouncing off of the paper and ink into my eyes. Some kinds of signals are being sent between my eyes and brain. Neurons are firing. Clearly, a lot of stuff is going on. All systems go, I can see the number.

I am here, marvelling at the fact that I can see it.

Spaces close and dying flows. Back to studying.

You know when you said, “that thing is the shit”? You had an extra ‘the’ in that sentence.

What would advertising be like if the world were blind?

I don’t need cathedrals or grand mosques to be in awe of life and the universe. I’m doing just fine with the sky, thank you. It is with me wherever I go.

I can barely chew gum and walk at the same time. Sometimes walking is hard even when I’m not chewing gum.

I drove downtown to work. I don’t like driving to work. I’d rather take the TTC. Sure, it’s tiring, you don’t always get to sit. You have to transfer from one mode of transportation to another (bus, RT, street car, subway, etc). But it gives me time to read. I look for patterns. The seats that are empty that no one will sit on. The types of shoes people are wearing. Yeah, I’ll listen in on conversations here and there. Oh, and I’ll sleep when I’m really tired. Sometimes it’s a battle having to choose between sleeping and reading (and all the other things one can do while awake), though sometimes it’s not a decision I make. My body will do it for me.

I find myself walking west on Bathurst after lunch with a friend I hadn’t spoken to in years. “Wow, that makes for a great story!” he said, after I’d caught him up on things, “Debatable whether it’s good or bad, but a great story.” But back on Bathurst I continue to look for patterns in the streets, or just interesting out of the blue things. I come across this wall and think about taking a picture, but I don’t have a camera with me. For shame, I think. I make a mental note to come back to this spot. Even as I’m making the note I understand and recognize that the odds of me coming back to that spot to take a picture are very low. If I was a betting man I’d wager on me not going back to that spot again. To give myself a fighting chance and leave a glimmer of hope, I wouldn’t double down. But I know this, despite the mental note the odds are low.

That night walking out of class I wonder about how easy writing is in comparison to other things. Regardless of whether it’s good or bad. Even bad writing is easier than bad photography. The word is so powerful. It seems like out of nothing you can create images, transcribe them into words and transfer that image to another mind. You’ve used nothing more than the tool set of words you already knew. The structures of sentences and grammar that you naturally realized while growing up. If I was to take a photograph of something, I’d have to be in the physical location with all the gear in hand. I’d have to reach out for colours and brushes if I were to paint. It gets more involving if I was to make a cartoon or a movie. Words have this element of laze to them. They feel easier in comparison. I don’t need anything more than I already have. Almost out of nothing. Just my/our experiences and imagination. How awesome is that?

So I figured, “Shit man, writing is easy…”

And here I am.