slow

This post is inspired by Geetha’s posting of one of her childhood stories (one of many to come, hopefully). I really don’t remember too many stories from my childhood. So I’ll post a moment I had with my niece mid June this year.

It was some time in the afternoon and the rain was falling steadily. I climbed up with both knees on the couch, held the curtain to one side with my hand and started to just watch the rain fall on our front lawn and on the road ahead. Erum walks up behind me (in that style that she walks in =D) and asks, “du mama, kya kare aap?”. Du mama, what are you doing?

“Baarish ko dekhre”, I reply. I’m watching the rain.

“Hum bhi dekh satke aap ke saath?”. Can I watch with you too?

“Ji jaanu, aajao”. Yes jaanu, come on.

So we start to watch the rain. She held her side of the curtain, and I was holding mine. I began to notice a snail that was climbing up the fence in front of us. I immediately pointed it out to Erum, however she had some difficulty locating it. When she finally found it, both of us started to watch the snail. We spent a few good minutes in silence watching the snail with the rain falling in the background.

“Yeh snail bohut slow hai”, she said. This snail is really slow.

“Can you imagine how long it took for the snail to get up that high?”, I ask her. Hoping to plug at her imagination.

She says nothing, and we continue to silently watch the snail for a few more minutes.

“It’s really slow, it’s getting boring watching the snail”, she says in a slightly irritated fashion.

“Is it because it’s so slow?”

“Yes”

“Well, what would you rather do?”

“I don’t know”, she pauses a beat. “Let’s watch the snail.”

I burst out in laughter and she walked out of the room, in that style that she walks in.

history

A few months ago I imported all most of the previous posts that had been lost due to constant shifting of blogging software and the long long breaks I took from blogging. Some posts are completely lost.

It isn’t so much that these old posts were great or anything, but I think it offers a complete picture of my insanity. I couldn’t import the comments, that’s where some of the real insanity was. Some posts do make me cringe. I also noticed that there were a lot more spelling mistakes in the older posts, this is simply because back then browser technology didn’t have built-in spell checking.

Anyway, I’ve pulled out some of the posts that I found interesting and/or fun:
A moment of silence – 2002/03/29
Quote of the Day – 2002/05/15
did somebody say ‘bon voyage’? – 2003/08/19 (cringe worthy, yet comical)
hello – 2003/10/25 (my favourite of the old ones)
insane in the… – 2003/11/04
jokes – 2005/06/14
Who am talking to? – 2005/09/01
TV Commercials – 2005/09/06 (hahaha)

what’s up doc?

My eyes have been dry for ages. Not my eyes, but my eye lids. The skin, it gets dry and starts to get flaky. I know this looks weird to those who have to see it, but given the design of the human body I’m exempt from having to look at my face. The glasses also do a good job of hiding the dry skin. This is all not a problem. The problem is pain. It is a problem when the dryness becomes painful.

This coupled with a sore throat that also delivered much pain resulted in a visit to the doctor. Trust me, I resisted for a while, but finally gave in. This is the same doctor as the last time.

I played with the cards while waiting to be called into the room. But when in the room I just lay the cards on the table and just sat there. I noticed a sign, custom made, that said: ONE PATIENT = ONE VISIT = ONE PROBLEM. I did not like this sign. In part due to the fact that I had two problems on this particular day, but also because I think it’s absurd.

The doctor comes into the room with my file. He said, “Hey, how are you doing?”

“Absolutely fantastic. It’s been a pleasure. I’ll be on my way now.”, I responded as I stood up and started to walk towards the door. He laughed.

I started off with the sore throat problem. I hate it when that gets worse. It’d be nice if things were just solved automatically with a few hours of good sleep. But this sore throat/trouble breathing and gulping thing seems to happen to me a lot. It’s the same reason I was there the last time.

While checking out my throat the doctor asked me if I was performing, he had noticed the deck of cards. I told him I was not. “Then what are you doing?”. “Just a normal job. Hey, what’s with this sign?”

“Oh that? My business partner put it there (the other doctor).”
“What up with that?”
“Does it offend you?”
“Yes, it does offend me, it totally offends my sensibilities. I think it’s absurd and ridiculous.”, I visibly showed disgust.
“It drives him (the other doctor) nuts.”
“I also have another problem.”
“Okay, what is it?”

I explained the trouble with the dry eye lids. I find it amazing that he knew exactly what the problem was and wrote up the prescription without ever actually having taken a close look at my eyes. I have had this issue before and have had the same cream prescribed before.

“You want the bang for your buck? What are we going to do about this?”, he says pointing to the acne around my eyes, “I can give you something for that to decrease it and it will hurt less. For the scars you’ll have to see a dermatologist.”

Wow, he totally hit the nail on the spot. Many years ago another doctor offered me unsolicited advice on the acne. I ended up walking away from that check up and not going back to clinic ever. I was there to get vitamin B shots. When I walked in to the clinic the receptionist person immediately asked me if I was there for the acne treatments. What in hell? I explained that I was there to get my vitamin B shot (a fairly quick procedure). I found myself in the doctor’s office and right after the shot she asked me about the acne as well.

“But when people see you, the first thing they see is your face.”, she said with her hands gesturing across her cheeks.
“I’m okay with the face I have, thanks. Good bye.”, I walked away before she could do any more convincing. That clinic has a whole acne treatment section thing, so they were just trying to increase their clientele.

Anyway, back to this doctor. He spoke about the pain. That is was I hate about the acne. The scars and all, sure, whatever. It’s the pain that hurts. I accepted the prescription.

I figured I’d ask him about the hair falling as well. I asked him if I should do anything about it. He said that it depends on how comfortable I was losing the hair. He wrote me up a prescription for some drug and said that should I choose whether I wanted to use it or not based on my comfort level. I hate seeing long strands of hair fall off in the shower or when I’m doing wudu. That’s one of the main reasons I cut the hair so short. I don’t mind seeing short hair falling off. I’m choosing not to use the prescription.

Of course, what would a trip to the doctor’s be without any magic? I don’t remember any more, the last few times I’ve been there, I’ve done magic. This time I did two, yes count that two card effects. He’s the type of person that does not take his eyes off the hands and his reactions are equally interesting.

Maybe I should have my own sign: ONE PATIENT = ONE VISIT = NO MAGIC.

eid aayi, mera yaar ni aaya

I checked and the last time I had a “Ramadan Mubarak” post was in late 2003, and the last time I had an “Eid Mubarak” post was in early 2004. I don’t think I’ve blogged about anything of a religious nature at all. This doesn’t particularly indicate anything other than the fact that at some point I decided not to blog about days marking religious events. At some level it did feel empty. Like a convenient “Happy Birthday”, something that is easy to do/say but doesn’t really mean anything beyond a passage in time. Something that you do because it is time to do it, like clockwork. A chime to mark an event and nothing more.

I don’t think it ever occurred to me what exactly it was that we were celebrating on Eid. Growing up (in Riyadh, Saudi) Eid was little more than a money collecting convention. “Eidy” we called it as we stuck our hands out and if we stood in the right light you could see the shine off our new cloths and shoes. Later we’d gather and count to see who’d amounted the highest tally, a competition of sorts. All things considering, since money was the prize we were all winners. Eid was like a massive prolonged iftar party; tons of food and tons of drinks. Year after year this is was we “celebrated”: money, clothes and food (isn’t this what most event celebrations amount to?).

When we landed ourselves in Toronto there was less of that, simply because we barely knew anyone here. We had grown past the “eidy” collecting stage but the new clothes kept coming, they still do =). Eventually we did get to know folk around and the number of iftar “parties” increased and Eid was effectively the same celebration, minus the eidy.

Sure you meet and hug people, whoptidoo. But what does it all mean? A community gathers to mark a religious day. That’s nice and dandy, but so what? Why should it matter? Why should it matter?

As cheesy as it sounds I was actually looking forward to Ramadan this year. Last year Ramadan was awful for me, I made it awful. The years before that weren’t exactly all that fantastic either, they weren’t disasters or anything, but come on. This year, however, was different for me. In either case, I think there must be a great personal purpose/meaning behind why you fast. Whatever that meaning is for you, it must exist. Jo bhi ho, dil se ho. ““O you who believe, fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, so that you may attain taqwa. (2:183)”. (This is something else that I haven’t done in the blog forever, quote from the Quran). But yes, purpose and meaning.

Then it starts to make sense. Eid is a celebration of the month of fasting done towards that personal purpose and meaning. Though it’s done in a community I think that the celebration must come from within, it must be personal. Even if there was no community and you were alone, that celebration should still be there. It should be there to celebrate your purpose and your meaning. Without that personal meaning it’s just a playground of toys, clothes and food.

Even though I feel that abstaining from food is probably the easiest part of Ramadan (at least for me), I think it is a great accomplishment. An accomplishment that calls for celebration in its own way.

Now I will not say that I’m sad to see Ramadan go (how cheesy would that be? like, seriously. “look at me, I’m so good a Muslim I’m sad to see Ramadan go.” ummm, you can still keep fasting you know?). Hah, I really shouldn’t be saying that bit in the brackets should I? Who am I to judge? Everyone should do/feel as little or as much as their heart/mind indicates. I don’t feel comfortable feeling “sad” on the passage of this month. I am not that “good” a person. I accept the ending of this month as a fact. It will come again, and if it doesn’t there’s always the next month, the next day, the next hour or the next minute. You do what you can.

I pray that this month was fulfilling for you and that you came closer to realising your meaning and achieving your purpose and that this meaning and purpose continue for you through out the year. I pray that Allah accept our fast.

Eid Mubarak.

reference check

I’ve been meaning to post this for a while. This is a reference check form that the co-worker who referred me to this job filled out.

Note: I didn’t know he had this in him. I think he was being too kind. I was hired.


1. How long have you professionally known him/her?
Over 3 years.

2. What was the working relationship?
We worked together at [Old company name].

3. What were his/her duties/responsibilities?
In charge of keeping up the right ratio of ethnic stereotypes and magic tricks.

4. How would you describe his/her personality?
Suicidal.

5. How does he/she interact with others?
Usually makes fun of them.

6. How would you evaluate his/her communication skills?
Never talked to him. He refused to look at me.

7. How would you rate his/her technical skills? Why?
Doesn’t really know too much, but great at pretending.

8. Has he/she ever put in a situation where he/she had to deal with change? If so, how did he/she handle it?
He was asked to build a page once and had a nervous breakdown. He almost went postal at the office.

9. Was he/she able to meet deadlines?
He doesn’t really know what deadlines are. No one trusted him enough to actually give him any work.

10. Was he/she ever promoted?
Demoted 3 times. He also cleans the toilets now.

11. How would you describe his/her ability to set goals and priorities?
Not that great. His main goal in life is to meet Barney.

12. Can you comment on his/her ability to solve problems?
Very good. He is the 3 time Sudoku champion.

13. What sort of work do you think best suits his/her abilities?
Professional shoemaker.

14. If you were in the position to rehire him/her, would you?
Absolutely. You always need someone at the office to make fun off.

15. What are his/her overall strengths?
One of the best I have ever seen at demoralizing and making fun of people.

16. What are his/her weaknesses?
Too many to list at this point. I’ll start a blog.

17. If you were to advise his/her new boss, what advice would you give regarding him/her?
Don’t piss him off….

captain obvious

I’ve said this before, if you state the obvious, chances are you have presented yourself as the most clever person in the group. If everyone is thinking it (and it’s a good idea) but everyone thinks it’s obvious and no one says it, then well… you’ve lost a good idea. So it’s okay, go ahead and say the obvious, go ahead be unoriginal. Say the obvious, and everyone will agree with you and you’ll be credited with the idea (if that’s what you want) because you simply spoke up.

Now I’d like to get into specifics at work. However, there’s a slight difference from what I presented above. There are times when I think the idea is obvious (because in my mind it is obvious) but other folk don’t see it that way. This has happened at the new workplace quite a bit. Because in my natural flow of saying what is obvious, I sometimes happen to say things that are obvious to me but not to everyone else. This makes me seem more intelligent than I actually am. It’s outright deception.

I look at something, and I will say, “Hmmm… this seems not right (polite way of saying it’s wrong). How about we do it this other way.” Initially there will be resistance, this is expected. But after some thought and deliberation people will realize why it’s better. In fact they’ll issue this smile that indicates they’ve been introduced to a whole new way of thinking. It’s not a half-hearted, “yeah that sounds like a good idea”. It’s a, “OMFG, that’s bluddy brilliant!”. Yes, I deduce this all from a smile.

Sometimes there won’t even be any resistance.
I say, “I think we should do it this way.”
Cue smiles.
“That’s actually a great idea!”.

But in my mind it’s just the way I’d do it. Why else would I do it any other way? It just seems so natural. It might be experience in dealing with these type of things, and that experience quickly collects in my mind and tells me the “natural” way. Of course, the readings I do also help. But I haven’t tried most of what I’ve read. I just “feel” that it will work.

When I see something that isn’t done quite “right”, I can’t help not say anything. I must speak out. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the Main Architect (notice the upper case) person or the junior developer. If I see something that doesn’t “feel” right to me, they’ll hear it. It really is nothing personal. I don’t dislike you, unless you’re incompetent. I can’t stand incompetence. Don’t be a pretender, go do something else instead. At least be honest, admit your incompetence. Okay, back to what I was saying. It’s not personal, please don’t take it personally. But some people do take it personally, this bothers me. They’ll defend their work even if it’s wrong. Grow up and get over yourself. Admit your mistake and move on. No harm, no foul. Thank you.

Of course this applies to me too. I’ve deleted/restarted/ditched plenty of my own ideas because I’ve realized that I was plain wrong. This is probably why I know that you’re wrong, because I’ve been wrong myself.

In any case, I was pulled into a meeting where a 3rd party software vendor was describing how we could integrate their software into our websites. I took a look at the integration code that was in their powerpoint presentation.

I resisted the urge, I really did.

But then I raised my hand and said, “Wouldn’t be a lot simpler if you used hashes? And that would automatically allow you to provide X, Y and Z functionality without much extra work!!”.

The technical person on their end thought about it for a second or two. “Yes, that’s a good idea. Actually it’s a great idea”. I could see the smile forming on his face. As if he was introduced to a whole new way of seeing the problem (and he was). The pains he’s had to go through to implement his own solution were showing. He sits down, a few more seconds pass. It’s still on his mind, “That would make things a lot easier”.

“Yeah, come on guys, why wouldn’t you think of this in the first place? Now you’ve released your API to so many of your customers. It’d be hard to change it and get them to implment it.”

“Yes, but we could still try it. Why don’t you send us an email, maybe we could implement it for you?”, the tech lead says.

“Also, please attach your resume to that email. We’re always looking for clever people.”, says one of their tech/business people.

I think I laughed inside a little. Did they just offer me an interview in a meeting where we were purchasing their software? Hah!

At least my experiences here (current workplace) have been better in that regard, here people will eventually admit to good/obvious idea, even if we can’t implement it due to whatever constraints. Where I worked before, I just got mad stares and weird looks, I felt I was insane.

Point is, tell people when they’ve done something wrong or complicated. Even if it seems like the obvious thing to say. They don’t know any better.